I Know, I’m THAT Girl Again

I know that my weight loss journey has completely apprehended my writing career, but I do have something currently in the works! But it’s going to have to be a mystery for right now.  In the meantime, how about you check out my progress! Once I hit my goals I can re-focus on my absolute love of writing again!

http://allisoninonederland.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/week-22-6-months-deep-and-so-close-to-goal/

 

 

Two Month Update – Meh

I’ve decided that I’m not going to track anything.  I can’t be one of those obsessive calorie, weight loss, anything counters. In fact I’m actually as bad at math as I am to losing weight, apparently.

But, even though I’m maintaining my current unhealthy weight I’ve adapted the exercising ritual that will maybe not help me lose weight (mostly because I have only a love affair with food and eating it) it will get me healthier. As a wise friend of mine said.

I’ve found that I’m sleeping better for one thing, which is HUGE, I think I prefer that more than losing weight. I just want to sleep like a normal person.  I think that is one of the top catalysts for my overweightness (yeah I just made that word up).

So that’s all I have to report right now, it’s a short one.  But I’m exercising at least 4-5 times a week, for 20-30 mins, next week I’m starting to do some yoga and we’ll see where this all goes.

I knew this was going to be a long process, so I’m patient and keeping on keeping on.

Till next month…

12-6-13

Update One Month In

So, I’ve had some tough weeks.  This week in particular – I won’t bore the 20 of you who might read this what happened, but it was a BAD lady week – if ya know what I mean

I’m off track already (shocker) – I have to admit I am terrible at this being healthy thing.  I’ve only gained two lbs. (after a colonoscopy, tell me how that even happened) I’m still trying to be conscious of what I eat, and try not to eat as much and other than this past week I have been doing the elliptical at least 3 times a week for 30 mins. But here’s the problem…you can call it an excuse which it probably is, but I can’t afford all the damn healthy food!  I have to spend like $100 a week on food and I’ve been finding trouble doing that. I’m doing the exercise which was supposed to be the main catalyst for kick-starting this thing – it turns out I ALSO have to be really strict with eating too. Seriously?!? Is one not enough – oh yeah it would’ve been about fifteen years ago – 30’s man, who thought it was a good idea to become this old?

So this is my next challenge – budgeting *gasp*…

I’ll give you some insight into my life – I’ve had some very low-paying jobs and I live on my own, in NEW JERSEY which leads to I financial struggle pretty heartily. Therefore I tend to go for cheap and fast food over pricey and fresh. But happily I can admit that I have not gotten any fast food in the last few weeks since my last post. I can say that for 100% and also I can tell you that’s really effing hard.  Ok I’ve quit smoking (a few times) and everyone says that’s the one of the hardest habits to kick – well bad eating I think is the equivalent to quitting heroin. I feel like I went through withdrawals, like the food sweats and fat just expelling itself from the body, it’s not pretty.  Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I’m mortified to admit I actually crave it sometimes.  Isn’t that disgusting – I crave a god damned Whopper with cheese, I need an intervention!

So I’m not going to let this lick me – I’m going to budget. I actually managed to get a week’s worth of breakfast, lunch and dinner for about $65 bucks this week which I think was pretty damn impressive, but nothing fresh.  I was healthy conscious, but once you get into the fresh fruits and veggies and then meat…forget it.  I got some Kashi in the bag meals, some healthy choice lunches, some Raisin Brand Crunch cereal, oatmeal and I was just done with it.  I try to go for low sodium choices so it kills two birds, it’s healthier than eating out and it’s fast. Fast and cheap(ish) – SCORE!  So beginning the first chance I get I will get back on the elliptical horse and start again.  That’s all I can do.

The amazing thing about this process is that there’s no rush or timeframe (well maybe there’s a little rush) but it’s not like it’s life or death right now at this minute, right?

As long as I keep trying despite my set backs that’s a good thing I suppose.  Need to work on those excuses though.

On the mental front I am happy to report that I am 100% anxiety meds free now and I feel kind of normal.  No crying fits, no depression bouts, I actually chose to go out last night instead of staying home.  As a matter of fact I have an action fun-filled packed weekend ahead of me also.  I’m still exhausted at all times, but I’m trying to put that as the third priority instead of the first. You know the adage I’ll sleep when I’m dead and then maybe by then I won’t be so tired. 😉

So some set backs this week, some disappointing non-loss weeks, but this girl keeps on truckin’…

Till next time…

10-25-13

Health, Mental, Health

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You would think when I was diagnosed with Lupus two years ago it would have been the wake up call I needed. Nope, I think I fell further down the rabbit hole of despair. Two years later, completely ignoring the Lupus debacle I finally went to a doctor to discuss the problem of the ever-present acid reflux/heartburn problem I have and that was the wake up call I finally took heed of.

When in the doctor’s office the doctor, for the first time ever, (and perhaps he had a hidden agenda) didn’t say Allison, you need to lose weight, you need to find a healthy way of eating, you need to exercise etc… he said Allison, you are morbidly obese and I recommend you get weight loss surgery. To me, that was a punch in the face.  Now, I know there may be a lot of lazy overweight people out there (I mean no disrespect, I’m pretty lazy) whose eyes light up when they see the easy light to the end of that really hard tunnel and then foam at the mouth that the end is closer than they would’ve ever imagined. I was not, I was insulted. I heard it as this doctor telling me – there is no way in hell you can ever do this because you’re weak and useless, so I’ll be that knight in shining armor to save your life.
Fuck that.
I’ve lived a long hard road on my own (and by my own I strictly mean “sans knight”), so for me to roll over and just get saved all easy, just like that, appalled me. I wasn’t about to take the easy way out – besides the fact that I’m too prideful, slothful, pretty lustful, definitely gluttonous – ok so I’m like all the sins – but, it’s so dangerous. I don’t know about you, but it takes time and effort to get into a mental state where you’re not eating your every feeling.  Obesity is not just something that ‘happens’, it’s not being lazy or all the other fat people stereotypes. It’s a straight up eating disorder – yeah I said it – tell me I’m wrong.  When I’m having a bad day I eat Burger King, when I’m sad I’ll have a pint of ice cream, when I feel depressed and shitty every day I eat shitty, it comes hand in hand and it’s a vicious circle that never ends.
Until now.
I took the doctor’s “easy out” as the biggest challenge of my life. I’m going to show this doctor that he is full of shit, that putting me under the knife and having me lose as he quoted “100 lbs in six months” is not going to be my answer.  When he said that I actually cringed. I’ve been heavy MY.WHOLE.LIFE and to lose that much weight in that little time all I thought to myself was where the hell does all that skin go? Yeah, garosssss. So the doctor proceeded to tell me that the team they have has nutritionists, plastic surgeons and psychiatrists…but, um, I’m a middle class working drone, how good do you think my insurance is? Cosmetic surgery is not covered by insurance and truth be told, if I’m getting plastic surgery it’s going to be boobs. FIN.
Which now brings me to the mental part…
I’ve been on a mood balancing prescription for the better part of 5 years, and sometimes I felt I really, really needed it and other times I wondered if it was even working, until I saw that my medicine was actually recalled for not really working.  Yeah, that happened. So I called my primary doctor and asked if they can fix this and I never heard back so I thought to myself, self – time to get off of that shit. So over that last month or so I’ve been weaning myself off and I have to say I’m ok.  I’m actually fine. I almost can’t believe.
After that dreaded doctor appointment I made a commitment to myself to get healthy – I’ve wanted to do this for a while, but I had about a million excuses to start tomorrow. I actually now yell at myself to cut the shit and excuses and no matter how tired I am and to just get off my ass and do something.
Since that doctor appointment I’ve lost 13 lbs, that was about 13 days ago.  I also started volunteering at an animal shelter and making ever effort to spend time with people who are really important to me. I’ve been a very negative person all my life, Debbie Downer for sure and I’ve actually lost some important people because of it (am still losing too) and I hear myself doing it and I want to kick myself in the shin to stop, but it’s like I have mouth diarrhea.  However, I’ve also learned that not only do I want to be more positive, I do not want to put myself in situations in which I feel bad, uncomfortable or just terrible no matter what I have to sacrifice. I’d rather miss out on something than feel like shit and try to pretend I’m having a good time when really I want to crawl into a hole and die. So not worth it. And I finally feel clear-headed, less paranoid, less territorial, more ok with being alone – there’s no rush, I’m working on myself right now I don’t have time for any other shenanigans.
So there you have it, my steps against adversity in a cruel and uncaring world – or just a doctor who really likes his perks for suggesting surgery to fatties. This isn’t a diet, this isn’t a contest in which I work really hard for a couple of months to win and then screech to a halt as soon as the competition is over.  I’m not even doing this to find love – I’m awesome fat or whatever and the sooner the opposite sex realizes it the better off they will be.  I’m doing this 1) to keep my original knees (yeah the doctor said that was neigh) 2) get off all my medication 3) finally not feel uncomfortable in my own skin  4) be a more positive person and 5) to stop all these damn excuses!
I’m going to keep writing down how I’m doing and my progress, maybe add a picture of myself or two along the way.  I really want to stay motivated, I do wish I had a buddy to do this with just to be able to talk about it with them and not annoy all of my other friends with it, but I’ve been doing things alone forever it’s not like I’m not fucking amazing fantastic awesome at it.

Out of the Old Skool Into the New…Sort Of

keep-calm-out-with-the-old-and-in-with-the-new-3Picture credit:  http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-out-with-the-old-and-in-with-the-new-3.png

As of next Monday its new beginnings in an old comfortable environment.

Ok this has nothing to do with writing, or my writing, or writers in general, or anything writing.

Long story short…the company I’ve been working at for the last five years was bought out, I was fortunate to be accepted to the new company.  Sadly, some did not and it’s been breaking my heart.  We lost some really great people for no good reason.

The company I’ve been employed with for five years has been in business for one hundred years.  The new company has been in business for six. Not that there’s a difference considering the old company went down in flames and this company is thriving more by the day.  One thing I’ve noticed in meeting the people from the new company which puts a smile on my face – a lot of the Principals are young women.  They are a big proponent in Women Owned Business’s which I fully support.  I’m a little wary of my future still, but I feel confident that the normal misogynistic mentality of the old company is not tolerated at the new – fingers crossed.

So again, I embark on a new journey, but really I’m pretty much doing the same thing with the same people I’ve been doing for the past five years.

What an odd situation, you know?

On the writing front – I really need to find me a cheap editor, editing is really time-consuming and hard. Wah. If you know of anyone I’ll be happy to hear any suggestions!  I have three books that are drafted to completion – now I need the editing.

*shameless plug moment over*

Wish me luck all 20 of you in my bloggerverse, thanks for sticking with me and still reading my dribble.  You have no idea how appreciated it is!

Stories From Plane View

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I meant to put this in my “Other Works In Progress” Page – but I just didn’t get to it.

This is my next venture into the self publishing realm; the proof is on its way to me as we speak – EXCITING! Of course there is a problem with that – I am NOT an editor.  If you read any of my blog entries you would clearly know that. I’m an idea girl, I have great ideas, vast imagination and let’s face it, not to pat myself on the back, but I make good dialogue.

True confession – I just tried really hard to edit that paragraph. How’d I do?

So…back to the topic at hand – Stories From Plane View. This started out with a really simple concept. A woman who is a travel writer who spends most of her time traveling. Then I added that she was the man version of womanizer (or the newly made up term manizer – maybe I’ll just let Hall and Oats say it best – She’s a Maneater) she seduces men only to pass the time, no regrets, no remorse, nothing more than physical pleasure – she is the ID.  She was a promiscuous teen rebelling against her wealthy upbringing, became a teenage groupie – there’s a sexual exploit diary involved. Which is great, but then I turned it all around.

She has to stop traveling! Gasp…so with no idea how to live out of the skies she turns to her two best friends and they take her out for one night of drunken debauchery. She wakes up the next day with no memory of the night before and a stark naked god walking around her living room.  (Not and actual God – but now my wheels are turning).

From there her life really gets turned upside down.  She can’t travel, she met this guy that gets her, she’s scared, excited, worried that he’ll find out about her past…

This is basically a romance, I know completely different from my first foray into self publishing the ever popular A Demon Love Story, but I’ve always loved a good romance or even better a  romance turned rom-com! (Fingers Crossed)

So wish me luck that I can learn how to edit a book so I can get this puppy into the world. Here’s a steamy excerpt…

I woke up to my blaring alarm clock in my big comfy bed all alone. I slap the top of the alarm clock take in a deep breath, choke for about a minute—I smoked way too much last night – then rolled my hungover ass over.  I look down at my body and realize I am stark naked on top of the covers and everything is a mess. I don’t remember when or how I got here last night, I’m sure I have Seth to thank for it though.  As I give a big stretch I hear the water in my bathroom go on, I shoot straight up!

           Did Mark or Roxy come home with me? Of course if they did why would I be buck naked; we joke, but we usually keep relations pretty platonic around here. I watch as the bathroom door becomes ajar and an Adonis just as naked as I am emerges from the bathroom door.

            “Hey, um, I thought I’d shower before I leave if you don’t mind.” The beautiful blond model says to me. Or at least he looks like one; I don’t even remember who he is.

            “Sure…uh…” I pause so he will remind me of his name.  He didn’t get it.

            “Want to join me?” He smiles revealing his perfect white teeth.

            I sit for a moment to ponder it, look at the clock and realize that I have about forty minutes to get downtown to meet Elaine. I quickly jump and haul ass to the bathroom with the hot man.

            The water feels so good, so hot; it washes away the grime of the night before, although by the look on hot models face it looks like he wants to roll in the mud all over again.

            “Last night…was amazing.” he says looking at me with his blue eyes burning so bright I feel it in my groin.

            “Uh, yeah it was really great.” I say unconvincingly.

            “Would you like a repeat performance?” He leered at me.

            “Sure, but we need to be quick I have to be downtown real soon.”

            “I’ll go dow…” I quickly interrupt him with my hand to his mouth.

            “Before you finish that sentence let’s just skip the foreplay.”

            I have a bench in my shower for this very reason. Well ok when I bought the place and did the tour I didn’t base my decision only on the fuck bench in the shower, but it was definitely a perk. 

            First, he put his big hands to my face and plants a deep kiss on my mouth that sends shock waves straight to the pleasure spot. He then sits down on the bench in all his giant readied splendor and I sit on him facing away.  He grabs my hips and moves me to his hard thrusting motion, the sensation I crave is rising fast and furious. He is hot, wet, and strong and something about that noise of two bodies slapping into each other always gets me going. As the thrusting gets harder and he’s cupping my tits like he’s kneading dough while rubbing his soft wet fingers around my nipples I start to feel the shocks growing more intense. I can’t see him, but hearing him grunt, his strong arms bringing me to his lap harder and harder, his breath getting more and more rapid I can’t contain it any longer — I come like a locomotive, I come so loud I think I scare him a little, but shortly after he yells my name. Shit, I don’t know his.