So it’s been more than a month since my last update. And that’s because shit had hit the fan. I somehow hurt my back and just said ‘eff it all’ and everything went to shit. Needless to say the entire last half of December was just a mess.
And the more I went down the shame spiral of eating my anger from the pain I was in from my back the more I just packed it on.
By the way when people say they’ve pulled their back I know it looks painful, but I’ve never known how painful it actually was. I mean I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t put my socks on. Couldn’t stand, sit, lie down, nothing I did felt good. I was in misery. And the more miserable I was the worse I ate. So, one night while in pain with my back I had the dreaded Acid Reflux – which caused me to cough – and those of you who’ve had a herniated disc knows what that does when you cough, sneeze, breath hard etc. I went down to my knees in pain. And I’d had a few other bad episodes of the AR after that.
I’ve had it. I cannot live like this anymore. I was talking to a very good friend of mine and complaining as I do. I told her I was trying to eat healthy and exercising before all this happened and I don’t know how to get back on track. Then, I don’t know how we got on the topic, but she asked me what I was eating when I was eating healthy and I told her and she told me that I was NOT eating healthy.
I don’t even know how to eat healthy. Wasn’t an insult, it’s the truth.
So, she gave me some advice on what to do and I told her that I cannot do this without someone telling me when to eat, what to eat and let’s face it, how to eat. And she accepted the challenge!
So, here I am one week in and I’ve lost 9lbs! And I went to Beerfest this past Saturday (which I was dreading, because I thought I’d derail off of my previous days progress – but I only gained a pound!)
I’m serious. I’m effing doing this. This is happening. And as long as I have my friend helping me out, I’m going to get to “Onderland”. That is my first goal, out of the 200’s I’m ½ way there, and it’s happening. I don’t care how long it’s going to take, but I’m doing this.
I’m serious. I’m changing my whole eating habits, lifestyle, and mentality. I’m not too proud to admit that I needed serious help. I couldn’t do this alone, I’ve been heavy my whole life – I’ve tried a zillion different diets and none of which made a significant change (except one, whole other story), but nothing has kept it off. Because I didn’t embrace the fact that this isn’t a diet; this is life, this is my new life.
Gonna keep a positive outlook on this, I’m going to stay focused. And I’m going to get to Onderland – and you’re all going to hear about it. Below is the god awful week one picture – yeah so when I get to onderland I can be amazed at what I used to look like, not that I’ll ever forget.